dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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