We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
