I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
