HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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