fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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