did you get engaged???
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
