This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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