what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
