I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
