So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
