:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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