If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
