Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
