i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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