I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
