3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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