doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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