Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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