if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
