My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
