i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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