She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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