The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
