i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
