just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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