it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
