What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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