i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dick very happy bro
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize