just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
handjob tips. give me some.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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