i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
