drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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