speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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