atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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