"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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