Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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