just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
