I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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