How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
