Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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