I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
