Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
