meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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