the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
