I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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