I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
