at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
