I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
