I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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