Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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