so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
