He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have aggressive nipples.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I deserve this hangover.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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